Movie: Harold and the Purple Crayon
Production Company: Columbia Pictures, Scholastic Corporation, David Entertainment
Director: Carlos Saldanha
Producers: John Davis, Jenny Hinkey, Jeremy Stein
Scriptwriters: David Guion, Michael Handelman
Main Cast: Zachary Levi, Lil Rel Howery, Zooey Deschanel, Jermaine Clement
Release Date: 2nd August 2024
Running Time: 92 minutes
Certificate: PG
Introduction: Every single member of this cast phones in their performance in this drivel some book adaptation (for which I have never heard of) that has potential to be the worst film of the year by a country mile.
Synopsis: A character within a book who can make anything come to life by drawing it is suddenly transported into the real world, but quickly discovers not all is how he imagined.
Analysis: My mind was instantly set on edge when I first came across the trailer to this. Only one thought crossed my mind: ‘that looks like the most teeth-grating piece of family vomit one would ever have to endure’. Oh how fast reality catches up to you and just how cruel it can be. ‘Harold and the purple crayon’ is so astonishingly condescending in it’s nature and execution that you do feel as though Hollywood is treating you as if you were a five year old; even when you are watching as an adult. The issue here is blindingly simple; the youngest crowds will find this just about bearable, where as there is absolutely nothing in here for anyone older.
The film treats everyone the same and that’s it’s biggest mistake. Yes, it’s a kids film but it’s best not to entirely alienate part of your audience, especially in the style that it does so. I can’t count the amount of times I have repeated this and I am beginning to sound like a stuck record, but the very best of family cinema has a sprinkle of everything for everyone, thus delivering an all round enjoyable watch for all demographics. I was hopelessly and desperately hanging on for any slither of engagement to kick in, yet the film carried on and on with it’s meandering sense of humour and style that I had already grown bored off in the opening moments.
Zachary Levi (who I do think can be funny and enjoyable watchable) can’t quite bring his ‘Shazam’ charm to the forefront here whilst villain Jermaine Clement (co-writer and creator of the hilarious ‘What We Do in The Shadows’ and TV’s ‘Flight of the Conchords’) is the only thing that even remotely comes close to salvaging this sinking ship and the only element that I was somewhat on board with. Most of the smirks and chuckles come from him. In the most bizarre sense, I would say this is (stay with me) ‘Elf’ meets ‘Green Lantern’ but nowhere near as fun or bonkers as that premise suggests; I am grasping the straws a little with that one admittedly.
So much so, in fact, that Zooey Deschanel (who starred in the former) even nervously plays the piano in front of a crowd just as she did with singing in the Christmas classic. Brownie points for the wink and reference I… suppose? A good performer usually, you can tell she’s aware that she ain’t working with much on this one I’m afraid. Down to every minute molecule of each frame and it’s blurry special effects, I am astonished this wasn’t just dumped onto Disney+.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a film this tailer made for just being a simple home viewing job. Judging by the timing of the film’s theatrical release and non-existent marketing, I do get the sense that the studio have just shoved it out, hoped for the best and represented very little faith in it. It seems as though this was doomed from the beginning. Opening the week after ‘Deadpool & Wolverine’ and the week before the double bill of ‘Borderlands’ and ‘Trap’, this feels like a very awkward and uncomfortable filler in that will likely disappear in no time. Judging by the grand total of two other people in my screening (none of which were kids) and venomous critical reaction, there aren’t many rushing out to catch this one. It should have just stayed on the page.
In cinemas now.
Overall Rating: 2/10 – Very Bad
Target Audience: PG
Content Warning: mild violence, innuendo
Recommendation: No
