Movie: Borderlands
Production Company: 2K Games, PICTURESTART, Arad Productions, Media Capital Technologies, Gearbox Studios
Director: Eli Roth
Producers: Ari Arad, Avri Arad, Aaron Edmonds
Scriptwriters: Eli Roth, Joe Crombie
Main Cast: Cate Blanchett, Kevin Hart, Jamie Lee Curtis, Jack Black, Ariana Greenblatt, Edgar Ramirez, Florian Munteanu
Release Date: 8th August 2024
Running Time: 104 minutes
Certificate: 12A
Introduction: Cate Blanchett leads a spectacularly miscast group of actors in this visual-effects dumpster fire that completely tarnishes the source material.
Synopsis: Lilth (Cate Blanchett) is a notorious bounty hunter who recruits a ragtag team (Roland – played by Kevin Hart, Tannis – Jamie Lee Curtis, Tiny Tina – Ariana Greenblatt, Krieg – Florian Munteanu and finally Claptrap – Jack Black) to return to her home planet of Pandora in search of a valuable vault.
Analysis: If you were to whisper the words ‘video-game movie’ into the ears of film and gaming fans alike, a shiver would run down their spine. There is nothing that strikes more fear into the hearts and minds than those very words. After the brief glimmer of hope that was TV’s ‘The Last of Us’ and Fallout’, we were, for a short period of time, convinced that on-screen adaptions are finally able to work and we were able to forgive the past and move on. How so very wrong we were (clearly, they work better as shows than they do films, take note Hollywood!). Before we begin, I would like to apologize to last week’s release, ‘Harold and the Purple Crayon’, for labelling it is having ‘the potential to be the worst film of the year by a country mile’.
Whilst it was almost insufferable, I had seemed to forget that ‘Madame Web’ does unfortunately exist and came out earlier this year (which tells you all you need to know), and so it is now that dreaded Marvel vehicle claiming that title. ‘Borderlands’ takes the second spot with ‘Harold and the Purple Crayon’ now trailing closely behind. The most incompressible thing here is that this is a 12A rated adaptation of an 18 rated game co-written and directed by Eli Roth, who brought you the ‘Hostel’ films, ‘Cabin Fever’ and more recently ‘Thanksgiving’… disaster was inevitable. Had you let the film properly loose and not been so indecisive about it’s material, he could have made something of it given his track record of particularly violent films. This proves to me one thing and one thing only: they have polished and cleaned this as much as they can purely for profit and to get as many bums on seats, talk about being completely unfaithful.
The fact that this is not even a 15 annoys me let alone those that are properly dedicated. Part of me wonders if they deserve a pat on the back for who they’ve managed to get for this but that renders it moot when you can’t do anything with them and the fact you’ve have made terrible casting choices. Cate Blanchett knows she shouldn’t be here but it is arguably Kevin Hart who stands out like sore thumb (he was the choice most were unhappy about). The group have absolutely no chemistry and you know you’re in trouble when Jack Black can’t even save the day. Every time he would deliver a funny line or so called gag, you could hear crickets. Aside from a couple of people occasional chuckling every now and then (which also included them laughing at the film and not with it), you could feel everything just falling flat on it’s face.
All throughout, you can tell and see that there is a foul-mouthed and relentlessly violent bloodbath itching and scratching to get out, but it is deliberately being hidden away and smothered over by a rating that does not allow it to be it’s true self and instead focused solely on financial benefit. Why even bother in the first place. I have virtually no knowledge of the lore of the world and only dipped my toe briefly into the second game. If you are an outsider (like most going in will be), the chances of you being lost or confused as to what everything is or how it works is at an all-time high. They dedicate about five minutes (if that) at the beginning to the most ordinary and lazy utilization of exposition one could possibly see and just leave it at that. Given that this is the first film where everything is being set up, that is pathetic. If you are a fan, you’ll be even worse off and perhaps even devastated by this lazy attempt to bring (from what I am aware of) a very successful franchise to life. An unfair sucker punch to everyone.
Aside from all of that, one of the worst things any film can do to you is remind you of something better you would rather be watching. Well, congratulations, you’ve done it here. This is just another science-fiction, space adventure you’ve seen a thousand times before, it is so boringly generic. Every single trailer, advert and poster just keeps on reminding me of ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ for which this so clearly and desperately tries to emulate. Upon first glance, I initially thought this would perhaps serve as it’s R-rated counterpart but it was not even able to do that; more like the far less successful and forgettable sibling. Nothing about this feels at all natural, even remotely convincing or physical. Every single set feels and looks so artificial, virtually every use of green screen adds an extra layer of distraction the film could desperately do without and the visual-effects border on the embarrassing. Will this curse ever end?
In cinemas now.
Overall Rating: 2/10 – Very Bad
Target Audience: 12A
Content Warning: moderate violence, threat, language, sex references
Recommendation: No
