Movie: Pet Sematary Bloodlines
Production Companies: Paramount Players, Di Bonaventura Pictures
Director: Lindsay Anderson Beer
Producers: Lorenzo di Bonaventura, Mark Vahradian
Scriptwriters: Lindsay Anderson Beer, Jeff Buhler
Main Cast: Jackson White, Forrest Goodluck, Jack Mulhern, Henry Thomas, Natalie Alyn Lind
Release Date: October 6th 2023
Running Time: 84 minutes
Certificate: 15
Introduction
What’s that saying about the dead and letting them rest? Because clearly Paramount didn’t hear it over the sounds of profit from 2019’s Pet Sematary. Anyway, despite the best efforts of Lindsay Anderson Beer in her directorial debut, Pet Sematary: Bloodlines will unfortunately be remembered as one of the most forgettable ‘horror’ films of all time. And to think they dragged Henry James into this s**t… This’ll most likely be dead and buried on Paramount+ within the month.
Synopsis
Pet Sematary Bloodlines follows a young Jud Crandell (White) in 1969 as he looks to leave the small town of Ludlow. Unfortunately, after hitting his strange neighbours dog in his car Jud is drawn back in by the evil secrets of the town’s pet sematary. Here, he is made to confront the horrors of his family’s legacy and eternal connection to the sematary. All this is while he attempts to gather his friends for a battle against the ancient evils within the town.
Analysis
I think Pet Sematary Bloodline’s biggest problem is the fact nobody really wanted, or asked, for this film thus making it ultimately forgettable and pointless. But even if you look beyond that at the film itself, it barely constitutes horror. This is mostly because it confuses scaring the audience with needless and brutal violence in lieu of shocking them into feeling something. A perfect example of this is Timmy’s dog nearly ripping Norma’s arm off. Because of the fact it comes out of nowhere, it’s clear the film is trying to use violent acts to shock the audience into feeling something. Honestly, it’s quite lazy from the film as I get most horror films use violence but also they attempt to actually use tricks to scare the audience. No wonder this was dead on arrival…
Ok so the actual horror within the film is terrible, even more heinous given the author of the source material, but what about the actual filmmaking. Well, it’s fine I guess. That might sound like damning with fake praise but there was so little actual interesting work done on the film. Take the cinematography which at times the DOP clearly just pointed at a random field then left and forgot to come back to. Like yes I get it’s supposed to be a rural town but also as the Happening demonstrated you can’t make crops scary. Also some of the editing is just *chefs kiss* awful especially at the party where it’s got more cuts than a butcher’s shop. Really, there’s nothing that offensive about it other than its lack of anything substance related. So really how was it not supposed to die on its feet?
Summary
To summarise Pet Sematary Bloodlines, this is a bland and quite boring sequel that nobody other than Paramount wanted to see. So when my only entertainment was coming up with dead puns (literally and figuratively) you know it’s not a great showing. A dead funny example of how to s**t all over the goodwill you’d built with fans…..
Overall Rating: 4/10 – Disappointing
Target Audience: 15+
Content Warning: Severe Sex and Nudity, Moderate Violence and Gore
Recommendation: No
